The Yusei Protection Agency
by AvatarofBahamut
Summary: Join four girls and one dude in their quest to protect Yusei Fudo from the bad guys...And each other. Poking fun at fangirls of all kinds, including Yaoi fangirls. Nobody is safe. DISCONTINUED.
1. Chapter 1

**Greetings everyone and welcome to Episode One of "The Yusei Protection Agency." I want to say a few things before we begin:**

**This fanfiction is not meant to be taken seriously. If something OOC for a canon character or an OC is classified as Mary-sue, then I probably did it on purpose. It's a Parody, people!**

**I do make fun of certain fangirl archetypes, especially the Yaoi fangirl because it is currently the most common one. If you are similar to any of these archetypes please take no offense.**

**No flaming. I will point and laugh if you do.**

**Last but not least, this fanfiction is rated T for teen. This is because it contains some sexual humor, mild violence, comic mischief, and well…stuff that pretty much fits under that umbrella. **

**Please enjoy and remember to R&R. **

**YPA: Welcome to the Agency!**

_In 2008 the character Yusei Fudo was presented to the general public for the first time. He was a big hit, causing many fangirls for his cause to be born. However, many of them felt helpless because they were unable to help him when he was tortured and maimed by the bad guys. _

_To protect Yusei Fudo from further injury, the Yusei Protection Agency was born! It drew upon every kind of fan in the fandom. Its base is located near the border between New Domino City and the Satellite. _

_Our story begins with the introduction of the Agency's newest member…Newbie Fangirl Micah Lowry! _

…

I wasn't sure what to think when I first walked up the simple stone walkway to the shady blue house. It had a simple black roof and only a few windows. It looked like any old house to me. I was convinced it couldn't be the right place. After all, the Yusei Protection Agency was now a very infamous group in New Domino City.

Let's see…I had my brown hair with blonde streak just cut that morning so it would just barely come down to my shoulders. My brown eyes were wide with passion. I wore a dark blue shirt with Orange paper circles taped to each side to resemble my hero's awesome, smexy jacket. And I even had gray jeans on, too. I was sooooooooo ready to meet my fellow fangirls!

My mom and dad waved goodbye to me as they drove away. I stared back up at the house and gulped. A group of storm clouds was beginning to hover over the city. I started to get cold feet, but approached the door anyway.

Before I could knock, the door opened and a dark-skinned girl with short, bright red hair and dark eyes greeted me. She wore a black and red short like Yusei's, but she had a black skirt instead of pants.

"O. M. G! Guys! The Newbie his here!" She reminded me of a person with Bi-polar disorder. She fluttered about with stars in her eyes and pulled me in before I could even speak. But, when I came inside I forgot what I was going to say anyway.

Everything was a shade of blue, black, or orange. The tables, the chairs, and even the reception desk. The person at the desk was a young man with dark hair and skin and wore a pink jersey and blue jeans. He looked and smiled at the two of us as he was taking calls for people. He seemed to have a very friendly aura around him.

"Yusei protection agency, this is Oscar Camry, how can I help you today? Oh, she's going to be in a meeting soon, can I have her call you back?"

The flighty girl escorted me down the left hallway past a series of bedrooms, apparently used for sleepovers and in-resident members. One of the rooms was entirely red and had pictures of Yusei Fudo and Jack Atlas together all over the walls. There were also a few scrap pictures featuring Yusei and his former friend, Kiryu, or was it Kallen? Anyway, he was a Dark Signer now.

In the center of the room a girl with wavy blonde hair sat on her fluffy white twin bed with a stack of books next to her. She was deeply entranced reading one of them, as she only adjusted her glasses once. The girl had wavy blonde hair and sparkling green eyes. She was also a little chubby, but it didn't take away from the fact that she had an almost adorable quality to her.

I took a good look and saw she was reading volumes upon volumes of Yaoi and other similar stuff. I never really liked that sort of thing, but I knew if I opened my big mouth I would get shot for it and labeled as a homophobe. Which I am NOT!

We eventually reached the end of the hallway. The crazy girl knocked on the door and a voice beckoned us in. There was a girl, not much older than me, typing away on a laptop on a nicely furnished desk. It was also her bedroom, as there was a small bed in the back corner.

The girl had thick, black hair and shimmering blue eyes. She wore a pretty sky blue sweater and a similar plaid skirt. It was her that made me most afraid. She had that look that pretty much said not to mess with her. We both sat down in beanbag chairs and listened to her carefully as she looked up at us.

"So, is this the new member, Lula?" She asked.

"Of course, Miss Rhodes! This is Micah Lowry!"

"I should probably explain whom everyone is. I am Sam Rhodes and C.E.O. of the Yusei Protection Agency. Your escort today is my right hand woman, Lula Wayne. She coordinates events and is considered the 'muscle' of the group."

Lula cheered emphatically. I tried not to laugh. Muscle? She looked like she could barely pick up a small dumbbell. I wondered about the others.

"The blonde is Nancy Jones. She is the debate leader and artist in residence. The man at the desk is Oscar Camry, he is our secretary and our errand boy. The question is…where do we place you?"

I tried not to blush. I probably looked paler than a sheet.

"Well, I'm told I'm good at writing fanfiction…"

"Ah yes. And your profile says you're also a decent duelist. Unfortunately, I am technically the fanfiction author in residence…but I suppose it wouldn't hurt to have two. It would be nice to have someone beta my work… I suppose you could be our duel expert. We don't have one of those yet."

"Why would we need a duel expert?"

"One of our primary goals is to understand the dueling strategies executed by the great Yusei Fudo. And we must learn to apply ways to counter them as well, as the buff our own dueling skills."

I nodded. So, I was placed as duel expert. But, when Lula was sent away, she gave a terrifying glance.

"Listen well and listen good. We may be here to protect the well being of our beloved Yusei. But I will not let anyone interfere with his destiny.

In other words…don't do anything to shift the storyline from what's in canon, got that?"

I nodded nervously. Don't fanfictions do that anyway? She didn't think so.

"I know your kind. You have no idea what a good fanfiction constitutes. It is the writer's take on a series. Putting the characters into a new situation for example. But, there is one thing that constitutes a bad fic…Mary-sues."

"Mary-sues?"

"All female OCs that play any significant role and have any distinguishing features are Mary-sues. Mary-sues must be killed. Or they will ruin the precious fandom that Yusei Fudo has built."

I gulped. "What about Gary-stus?"

Sam blinked. "Oh, those. There aren't as many of them, so they are not as big of a problem. But then again, male OCs do have more freedom than female ones."

"Isn't that sexist?"

"Don't question me! I'm the C.E.O. and I make the rules!"

She sent me away to have Lula take me to my room. It was right next to Nancy's. Great. You can tell that's sarcasm, right?

"She's crazy, isn't she?" Lula asked. I blinked.

"She's what you would call an 'enforcer'. If it isn't canon, it's bad."

"What about yaoi?" I asked, thinking about Nancy.

"The truth is there is no REAL evidence to support any Yaoi in Yu-gi-oh! 5D's. But, most of the Yaoi pairings are in fact involving two canon characters, and there may be some superficial evidence from canon to support it. In her mind, that's enough.

But Micah…there's something else you should know."

"What is it?" I asked her. She winced at me.

"There is one unspoken rule here. Because of our status, we are forbidden from making any significant interactions with Yusei Fudo. If anyone were to try and grow close to him or even have him get to know you in anyway…well…

Let's just say it isn't a pretty picture."

Why did I join this club again? And what did she mean? Would I be killed?

"You would be labeled a hostile member and given over to the Dark Signers to be sealed away into the abyss. Sorry, but I think you should know before anything bad happens." Oh great. That's even worse.

My room was simple and white, with a bed and a few shelves, and even a walk-in closet. Not bad for a newbie room.

"You think this is nice? My room has a flat screen TV. And an entire wall with Yusei's face painted on it! Oh, and bean bag chairs."

"I do love bean bag chairs." I faked a laugh.

"Oh, don't worry so much, you'll love it here."

Somebody help. I want out of this, NOW!!!


	2. Chapter 2

**Ah, I am so glad to have a second episode up. I am doing this fanfiction purely for amusement and because I love poking fun at the Anime Fandom. So, I don't expect to update this very often. **

**Anyways, please enjoy!**

**Episode 2: The Yaoi Fangirl Strikes!**

My mom came back after I had slept for two hours to bring me my suitcase that had my clothes and other belongings in it. I was able to quickly set up shop in my room, since I didn't have much compared to the other girls. That is…unless you count the vast quantities of blank paper, writing utensils, Duel Monster cards, CDs, and Video Games I had accumulated. I only had a small, older TV that sat on a desk across from my bed. Unlike the other fangirls, I only had one poster of Yusei. Actually, it wasn't even a poster. It was a couple of shots I had printed off the internet. I tacked it onto a bulletin board right above my bed.

The last thing I did, which I spent most of the day on, was painting my room a different color. Apparently, if you got to be an in-resident member, you could paint your room, regardless of whether you were a newbie or an old timer. I went down to the basement to grab some lavender paint when I saw Oscar taking inventory.

"I always stop taking calls after five since I only work the day shift. Nancy takes the evening shift since she likes to stay up late, and Lula takes calls early in the morning since she's always chipper compared to the rest of us, even during those hours…" Oscar started trailing off as he saw me losing interest. I was more concerned with taking the paint upstairs. It was really heavy as I struggled to get it up the stairs. Oscar rolled his eyes and took a can of paint from me.

"You could always ask for help, you know."

"I could. But, don't you have inventory to take?" I asked.

He smirked. "Trust me, it doesn't take that long. I was just finishing up."

We walking back up to my room when a flash of blonde swept down the hallway and tackled me to the ground. I dropped the can of paint, which rolled down to Oscar's foot. The girl gave a high-pitched squeal. It was hard to breathe since she was crushing me under her thick gray sweatshirt and dark green shorts.

"Yaoi!!!" She declared. I was disoriented as I tried to make it known that I wished for her to get off of me. I was lucky that Oscar leaned down and told her for me.

"Nancy, you might want to avoid suffocating the new member."

Nancy hopped off of me and stood up, with a perky smile on her face. Oscar helped me up as I noticed she had torn one of my paper orange circles. She gave me a pitiful look.

"Oh…I am SO sorry! Can I make you a new one?"

I looked puzzled.

"Oh, you don't know? I'm the artist in residence. I draw fanart and design, and create cosplay!" Nancy said confidently.

"Nice…well, I'm the duel expert, since fanfiction was taken…"

"JUST the duel expert? Well…you are a newbie, but Sam should have given you a more exciting job than that." She gave me a sympathetic look.

"Well…fanfiction and dueling are my strong points…although I am pretty good with music, I am told." I knew I shouldn't mention it to Sam, since I could get labeled a Mary-Sue for it.

"Hmmm…it would be fun to have an Official Music Composer….Anyways, I'm Nancy Jones. I am, as I said, artist in residence and Yaoi fangirl!"

"I'm Micah Lowry. And…I think I guessed from your exclamation that you were indeed a Yaoi fangirl." I said matter of factly. She smiled at me.

"So, do you like Yaoi, too, Micah-chan?"

NO! But, I couldn't tell her that. There was an unspoken code in Anime fandoms that if you say you don't like Yaoi, you're a homophobe and you will be disliked by every other person in the fandom. Personally, I'm a fan of OCs, especially paired with canon characters, but that's another big no-no.

"Well, I'm on the fence, let's put in that way." I said politely.

"Oh…That's ok. Maybe I can convince you to like it!" She grabbed me and dragged me into her room. I begged her not to, but she insisted on showing me her Yaoi collection. As she went in, she called after Oscar.

"Hey Oscar, have you found a nice boyfriend yet?"

"For the last time, Nancy! Just because I am more effeminate, less of a jerk and because I am a secretary does NOT make me a fruitcake, a piece of bubblegum, a fairy, gay, OR ANY OF THE ABOVE! …I have some back issues of Playboy for crying out loud!" Nancy giggled as she dragged me into a beanbag chair to begin her session of torture. Goodbye World.

She began by handing me a three ring binder full of her artwork. I will admit one thing: She is a talented artist. A lot of Yaoi fangirls are indeed so. But, it was still torture having to go page after page of semi-pornographic sketches, most of them depicting Yusei and Jack, and some of Joey Wheeler (Or was it Katsuya Jounochi?) and Seto Kaiba. I wanted a doggy bag.

It's just none of my business. I feel like I'm invading someone's privacy when I see pictures like that. Even if that includes straight stuff. I do enjoy scenes of making out and highly steamy stuff, don't get me wrong…but more often than not, Yaoi goes quite too far for me.

I handed her binder back to her. She looked for my approval. I tried to tell the truth. However the words were hard to grasp.

"You're a good artist, but could you…" Before I could say anything, she turned on her TV. She slipped in a DVD containing more examples of her art, some of it photographs of people in Yusei and Jack cosplay. The ones where they weren't doing anything in particular were a good breather in between the sessions of torture.

After about two hours of nothing but Yaoi, I felt like I was ready to die. She even made me read her Yusei and Jack fanfictions. Most of them highly deviated from canon; in fact some of them were hardly connected at all. But, they all had the Sam Rhodes approval, which meant in her eyes it didn't interfere with the sacredness of Canon.

Her fanfiction writing wasn't as good as her art, but it was still pretty good. But it was too darn pornographic…not to mention highly surreal.

I put the papers down as my eyes were now baggy. She gave me a big smile. I groaned in response. Oscar walked into the room and saw me. He gasped.

"What have you done!?"

"I've been trying to convert Micah to Yaoi, but it's not working very well." She jumped up and down excitedly. Oscar told her he needed me to help him with some work, so she let him walk me out by the hand. When we were in front of the reception desk, he turned around and gave me a look of concern.

"She made you read her fanfictions, didn't she?"

I nodded silently.

"It's ok; she did the same thing to me when I was first recruited. She was convinced from day one that I was a homosexual and constantly harasses me about it. The worst part is that Sam won't do anything about it."

I thought for a moment. "Sam is the Enforcer… Lula is the Extreme Fangirl… Nancy is the Yaoi fangirl…I would consider myself a general all flavor kind of fangirl… Say, Oscar? What kind of fan are you, exactly?"

"Just a fan. I think Yusei is just awesome. After all, he's got some awesome combos in his desk, and he's got guts. Let me tell you!"

"Not a fanboy?" I asked.

"Actually, the real 'fanboy' of the group quit the Agency when he got a real boyfriend. I think Nancy is just trying to fill the void he left."

"Who was he?"

"His name was Greg Shelby. Nice guy. He was in charge of the comic relief department. We're still looking for someone to fill that job…At least I am. Sam thinks we don't need it."

I sighed. "You must really have a beef with Sam."

"Everyone does, Micah. We just don't say it to her face. After all, she's the boss, she makes the rules. AND in her eyes, Canon is law." He said solemnly.

I sighed. I guess I would never get to pair canon characters with OCs again. Especially not Yusei… I wanted to cry. I thanked him and went back to my room, and turned in the TV.

Jack Atlas was in the news, with the C.E.O. of Jack Atlas Cheerleaders (the other big fangirl organization in the city). They were discussing upcoming duels that Jack would participate in, as well as all the dumb celebrity stuff. By that, I mean his love life.

I sympathized with the guy on some levels, he reminded me a lot of Seto Kaiba. And Kaiba was a guy who needed a girlfriend, badly. But, Jack doesn't have a cute brother like Mokuba, and he already has girls drooling over him. Somehow, he just isn't as likeable. If anyone can explain that, I would love to know.

In my book, it's because he stole Yusei's Runner. That's just…wrong in so many ways. But, Yusei forgave him eventually. If there's anything I can learn from my hero, it's to forgive others.

I fell asleep in my bed with the TV still on. I learned later that Nancy came in and turned it off for me and tucked me in. She said I looked cold and uncomfortable to her.

I don't dislike her as a person. Other than what she did with the Yaoi, she was really nice to me. Even the next morning, during breakfast, she let me have her extra sheet of Nori to go with my rice and Miso Soup, and some of that delicious salmon and Pickled Radish. I will admit, the food here is great. I hope to meet the cook sometime.

I just don't like Yaoi like she does. We'll just have to agree to disagree.

**And that's all for now. Be sure to tune in again next time! **


End file.
